Thursday 5th May was a statistical milestone for me as it is 12 months since my final Chemo session. I have recently found statistics a little difficult to identify with, as statistically speaking I should not have been ill in the first place.
During the early days of my recovery I spent most of my energy trying to get back to my previous routine. In hindsight, I perhaps pushed back a little too hard and fast as I am now struggling with a less than perfect immune system and the fatigue did get the better of me on a number of occasions. I am glad to say, however, that my health is otherwise pretty good and I have been working, partying and excercising at a high rate and in equal measure.
A New Normal
Getting back to normal seemed like an obvious objective from a hospital bed, but it since has felt like an unnecessary and overwhelming challenge. For me, I can live a similar life as I previously had, although I must also be mindful that as with any trauma, it affects us in ways beyond the phyisical and visible scars. I am now facing up to the fact that along with the impact of 6 months treatment, both my outlook and objectives have quite significantly changed.
Life is a series of hurdles and challenges and while this was quite a high hurdle, it has put some of my previous hurdles in perspective.
Continuing with the analogy, I now know that each time we come to a hurdle we can do three things: pause and panic, divert and change course or just jump over it. I feel that the way we deal with our challenges is less important as long as we reflect on the things that we also gain: An experience from which we can learn and improve, a sense of satisfaction from the achievement (whether it was a disaster averted or a problem solved), and finally the lens of perspective through which we can compare future problems.
4 weddings and a festival.
In an attempt to put the last 12 months in perspective a lot has happened and I am finding it difficult to recall. Whether it has been a conscious effort on my part and of those around me, I am not sure, but this year has been a rather ridiculous series of events and though life is never simple, even without my illness I think it would be difficult for this not to have had an impact on me.
Since May 2015, I’ve been to 5 stag do’s (in 5 different countries) and 6 weddings (in 3 different countries) I was best man at one which was at the same time in a different country to another which I had to miss. I’ve been to Glastonbury festival, several carnivals, beer festivals and nightclubs. My 2 younger brothers both announced they are to become fathers, I went back to work, was made redundant, became self employed and single. I have 3 more weddings to attend in the next few months, 2 more stag do’s and funeral.
I have met a lot of great people, made new friends, learned a lot and had some of the worse hangovers of my life (insignificant in the context of my chemo experience). This year has definitely been the craziest so far, but as we never know what is round the corner, my intention is to continue taking each day as it comes and working hard to make sure that I enjoy and make use of the time I have, and to convert challenges into experiences to share.